wednesday, after a particularly cleansing yoga class, i began an experiment that started as a casual personal challenge and ended near tears. My goal was to go 24 hours with out looking in a mirror, or any reflective surface-while maintaining normal personal habits (hair and makeup etc). After this initial period I thought it would be fun to see just how long i could make it. the next few days were constant avoidance. but as time passed, and i became less and less real, i found my thoughts changed and my eyes opened. i found myself seeing others in more detail- their hopes, needs and worries became my own. i was less self conscious about my physical appearance and more confident in other aspects of myself. i realized that my personal thoughts are the greatest determiner of my reality and that by carefully weeding the garden of my mind, negativity and its effects can be mitigated. and so it went- but where would it end. it was strange to miss myself as one would a distanced friend. on saturday night i decided i had to look. i couldn't take it anymore. so i did. my elation at the sight of myself was indescribable. i almost cried. as i ran from mirror to mirror welcoming myself back home i felt an intense gratitude for the friend that had been so long lost.
thank you to all of you who stood by me in this trying time... fixing my bangs and keeping me socially acceptable. except for my brother karl who kept trying to convince me i had something gross on my face- but double thank you to my very honest nieces who assured me that i looked normal.
9 comments:
This sounds really cool. Wait to go! I check my teeth a couple times a day now to see if my better brushing skills and a new toothpaste are making my teeth any whiter. I think I'll let that go, now.
Happy Loganing! Come visit us sometime.
Congratulations!
75 hours is a long time. In one of my mission houses the only mirror we had was from a travel kit. It was great, but shaving was tough. If I weren't obligated to shave, I would probably want to do what you did. For a really long time. Maybe I can get someone else to shave my face. Or go hiking.
Have you done the no-talking experiment? When I did it in high school Amber said something really gross. It didn't make me want to talk, it made me want to throw up.
Well-written and well-done. I honestly think we don't realize how often we use mirrors to judge (or admire) our personal appearance! Interesting idea. Thanks for sharing.
Last night I had a long and involved movie-dream about you. We were living together (I think Kyle had died?) and you finally confided in me that you had a HUSBAND and wanted me to meet him, and it was a big deal because he was Native American. Then we traveled to his family homestead, and turns out all the-non-Native Americans were VAMPIRES and we totally almost died but his family saved us. We joined his family and fought vampires for the rest of our lives. WEIRD, huh? Your husband was really cute though. He looked exactly like Uncas from Last of the Mohicans.
You are AMAZING! I love your blogging!
It always makes me happy to read what you are thining and doing Nieman. I miss you around here SO much. I hope you're coming for Thanksgiving? Christmas?? tomorrow?
I was really happy that I got to see your face this weekend (and it didn't require a mirror)...I like your face a lot...and also your brain!...you are amazingly unique! (even if I get my memories of you mixed up with Kendra)
Nieman, I miss you all over the place. I would be pretty excited to see your face in a mirror.
One time when I was hiking I didn't look in a mirror for a few days and when I finally did I had a huge, patchy, scary beard. I was like "who is this guy?" I was kind of scared of myself after that.
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